reading: children of the self-absorbed / nina w. brown
watching: borat 2
listening: glory box / portishead
i have not written in so long! so much has happened: i went to several concerts, my 24th birthday was last sunday, i dyed part of my hair pink, i went to the local cherry blossom festival, watched a ton of movies, made into my master's program, am taking a break from school...
this break has been very good for me, since i finally have time to rest and am not overworking myself like i used to. much of my time has been spent dealing with my myriad of health problems, ignoring issues and running away from myself. recently i've been busy practicing my hobbies like crochet, yoga... rather than chasing after people who do not care for me. learning to say "no" and be around individuals who actually care for me. 
such is hard and lonely, but necessary. for the first time, i feel clear-headed and confident, less disgusted in myself or afraid of what others will think. it's become easier to be an active participant in my own life, going out to festivals, concerts... doing things alone, too. it feels silly that it's taking this long to become autonomous and "normal" but everyone's life runs on different times.
outside of these ~personal reflections~, i've been Doing Stuff. been obsessed with movies lately, especially horror films! i saw some movies that were on my list this year, like guillermo del toro's crimson peak. i also began collecting figurines, as well as other stuff. a lot of these things are things i wanted to do when i was little, externalizing my hobbies and having stuff that represents the things i like.
i guess that's it for now! see you later.
he also likes bananas though he shouldn't be eating them. there are a bunch of little cats too- they're all so friendly! i wish i could bring them home with me.
i missed filipino spaghetti so much... although i would somewhat regularly consume it when i was living with my last roommate- she was a great cook!
i have no real updates outside of i quit my old, unsatisfying job and started a new internship with a significantly better program that won't batter me emotionally !! incredible how life works out. i've been forgiving towards myself and attempting to mourn the person i could have become if i was diagnosed earlier in life. sometimes i still struggle with the whole laziness versus my disability mindset, trying not to hate myself for "not constantly achieving" when all my body wants is to slow down. 
but such a thing takes a lifetime to unlearn. i don't know what the point of this entry is outside of rambling. thanks for reading! hopefully i have something more interesting to say next time.
lately i've been wrestling with the idea that i'm not "trying hard enough" or "doing enough", but i have to learn to accept that my disability is exactly what it is- a disability. i will always struggle and i won't succeed without accomodations 
and comparing myself to abled people always ends in failure! everyone is different, and i need to Internalize that life isn't a competition. it's meant to just be lived the way you would like.
i also went to the local farmer's market at my uni and got some cool things!! here's some photos from my recent endeavors:
i never know what to say when it comes to making pages. it's always "hello!" "welcome!", since i literally have no clue what else to put there. anything else doesn't seem right.
last saturday, i went to go see the evil concert/rock opera at black cat and it was so ... Incredible... it was the first time ive been at a live show since 2018 and im so happy it was this one. i also went to a local ukrainian cafe that day and met up with a friend. admittedly i felt pretty awful that people were just no longer wearing masks- i'm disabled and immunocompromised but i still want to be able to do things safely. it's stressful that other people can't be indoors for like a short period of time with a piece of cloth(?) over their nose and mouth- it really isn't that hard but... well, the united states is not a very disabled-friendly country. other than that i had a good time. there was a used book sale and i got some books that have been sitting on my wishlist for a long time! the book i'm (about to start) reading is one of them. 
that day was great. i cooked a fully vegan main dish for the first time! rainbowplantlife's 
and i got like sooo many pupusas. that's one of my favorite food items and i love it sm!! we then went to her house and met up with her friend and their dog. i baked vegan ube sugar cookies topped with nonpareils(?) and they were such a hit! i miss spending time with my friends. as we get older it becomes harder to see them often. i wish we could all live right next to each other again.